First of all, it’s not a sleep competition.
Do we really need to compare tiredness?? No, we don’t. And here’s the thing... I’ve been both kinds of tired, and I’d take this kind of tired every damn day for the rest of my life if it meant I got to be this little girl’s mama.
The tiredness of infertility isn’t just lack of sleep, it’s physically and emotionally exhausting, it’s a perpetual feeling of fatigue - without the snuggles or giggles. The next time you want to win the tired contest because you are a parent, think about the women that have to get up every day at 5am to drive to their RE because they want the best doctor. Or the corporate executive, covered in bruises, who has to sneak out of important meetings to give herself a shot in the bathroom without being seen. Or the ultrasound tech who cries in her car on her break every day because she’s constantly reminded of her loss.
Infertility wears you out. It’s debilitating. It’s restless.
Many nights, I didn’t sleep at all because it’s all I could think about, and other nights I’d sob so hard I would cry myself to sleep and wake up with a headache that lasted all day. And yes, I still got up and ran multiple companies, and held a demanding full time job with a smile on my face. As we dip our toes into another #deivf transfer cycle, I’m reminded of all this. Some days I look back and wonder how I did it.
Is motherhood exhausting? Yes, yes of course.
I’m not a morning person AT ALL, yet I jump out of bed every morning like it’s Christmas morning. Even on the days Jonathan lets me sleep in, I just can’t. I hear the squeals from downstairs and get my ass right up to go squeeze her. Somehow I feel rested, yet I have dark circles under my eyes. Its magic! And guess what?? Infertility gave me that magic!
My appreciation for this new kind of tired, is indescribable. Because of infertility, Flo Baby gets the best version of me. A mom with motherfucking superpowers! A mom that will never take one second for granted. A mom who smiles thru the hard times because I remember how hard it was to get here. #infertilityismysuperpower
