Starting a family is supposed to be filled with joy and excitement — at least that’s what society tells us. Right? We never expect to include a third person into our family building narrative, or that we will experience a deep level of grief while trying to conceive. You will likely find yourself doing countless hours of research and reading on the topic, attending therapy sessions and support groups and making friends with complete strangers on social media who also walked this path, who ultimately become your safe people. You may experience shock, grief, and even trauma as you navigate the path to parenthood via donor conception.
The Inspiration Behind My Donor Conception Children's Book
“Our Hearts Match” is a story of a T-Rex Mama and her beloved little brontosaurus, who talk very openly about their physical differences and confidently celebrate what makes them each unique, while also leaning in on what makes them “match” on the inside - their hearts.
I believe this book can not only help children learn about what connects us as family, but also help parents process the hard feelings around genetic grief and shift their perspectives to a more beautiful lens. This mother/child duo is proof that we don’t have to match each other to have dino-mite love and connection.
Privacy vs. Secrecy: Navigating Egg Donation and Who Needs to Know
The Ultimate IVF App to Help You Stay Sane While Managing the IVF Process
I vividly remember my very first IVF cycle. The doctor sent me home with a stack of papers with protocols and lists of medications I needed to take with dates and times of when I’d needed to take them. Some were oral pills, some vaginal suppositories, some intramuscular injections, and some in the tummy.
12 Things I Get to Have, Thanks to Donor Eggs
I can’t tell you how long I used to focus on the things I didn’t get to have by pursuing donor eggs to conceive. From the moment my doctor suggested we think about it, my mind was all-consumed every second of every day with all the things I was losing - a DNA connection with my babies, an easy route to pregnancy, an easy story to tell, time, energy, a shit ton of money, etc.
What is Pregnancy Loss, really though?
I recently had a conversation with my 80-year-old neighbor about pregnancy loss – as she spoke of the babies that she had lost decades ago. She started to cry – fifty years later, she still mourns their loss. We hugged and grieved the babies we never got to hold. In that beautiful moment, she validated for me that it was okay to grieve my babies forever because that means that I will love them forever.
How To Choose An Egg Donor
Whether this is your first time considering egg donation or you’ve always known you would need an egg donor to build your family, choosing an egg donor is not an easy process. I’ve personally been through the egg donation selection process multiple times now, with multiple different agencies and egg banks. It can be exciting and equally overwhelming. I’m sharing some of the lessons I learned in hopes to make this process a bit easier for you. It can be exciting and equally overwhelming. I’m sharing some of the lessons I learned in hopes to make this process a bit easier for you.
10 Things I Wish I Knew About Donor Eggs That I Know Now
Should I Use Donor Eggs? Will I Have Regrets?
I remember the exact moment I was first faced with the question, “should I use donor eggs?” After multiple attempts at stimulating my follicles with hormones, and only ever getting one or two eggs to mature, my doctor sat me and my husband down for a serious conversation. She suggested we consider using donor eggs. I knew this wasn’t a decision I could make on the spot and definitely didn’t want to make a decision I would later regret.
Becoming A Mother After Infertility
My journey to become a mother is never lost on me. There hasn’t been a day since becoming a mom that I don’t think about what it took to get here. I suppose that’s a silver lining - to feel perpetually humble and grateful for the excruciating pain and test of time I had to experience to achieve my title as mother.
Donor Eggs: Fresh or Frozen?
This is such an overwhelming decision to have to make and there are so many different schools of thought on whether it’s better to use fresh or frozen donor eggs. It’s easy to feel confused on which direction to take. This is truly a personal decision and heavily based on your situation and the plans you have for your future family. I’m not a doctor or expert by any means, but I have definitely been faced with this decision multiple times in my life and feel the need to share my personal reflection.
New Donor Conception Support Program is HERE!
This program series is very near and dear to my heart and I am very proud of the curriculum we have built. My goal is to help empower, educate and support people at all phases of the donor conception process. Whether you are going through donor conception for the first time, or on the other side of it as a parent of a donor conceived child. I’ve been having some very meaningful conversations with some Donor Conceived Adults that have helped me shape this program, two of which will be speaking in the series.
Infertility Is Trauma
Infertility is trauma. And although, infertility was not life threatening, it often felt like I was dying. 8 years of watching friends and family have baby, after baby. Sometimes with some effort, sometimes by accident. Feeling left behind, alone, unwanted, undeserving. Constant fear, anxiety, panic.
How to Choose The "Right" Egg Donor
Secondary Infertility Is Still Infertility
Secondary infertility is a huge slap in the face. It’s like learning to ride a bike so well and then all of a sudden your body is thrown off the bike uncontrollably. It’s the feeling of failure when your child asks “mama, why can’t I have a sister?”. It’s knowing the love you have for your own sibling and wanting that love for the person you love the most.
No One Told Me A Failed IVF Transfer Felt So Much Like Pregnancy Loss
I decided to write my very own, donor egg guide Book
I decided to write a book about donor eggs! Fifty four pages of my heart and soul, dedicated to the one who inspired me to write it - my magical little girl, Florence, on her 2nd Birthday. It’s titled “Why I’m Glad my Eggs Didn’t Work” because that’s the best way to sum up my feelings about this journey. I’m grateful, I’m glad, I’m elated that my eggs didn’t work.
Will I Be Able To Love My Donor Egg Child Like My Own?
Did I picture having a baby with another woman’s DNA? No, of course not. Did I picture loving a child that looks nothing like me, so unconditionally it hurts? Not a chance. We all have this perfect image of the life we will live, but that doesn’t mean it’s the way it should be. Or that’s what’s best for us.