This post is in partnership with Donor Egg Bank USA, to help educate and provide support for those considering donor eggs.

I can’t tell you how long I used to focus on the things I didn’t get to have by pursuing donor eggs to conceive. From the moment my doctor suggested we think about it, my mind was all-consumed every second of every day with all the things I was losing - a DNA connection with my babies, an easy route to pregnancy, an easy story to tell, time, energy, a shit ton of money, etc.

I was drowning in loss. So much that the more I dwelled on what I was losing, the more I lost.

I was so sad and angry that I lost close friends, even the person I considered my best friend - she got pregnant easily, the first try actually. Her exact words when she told me the news were “one and done!” meanwhile I was on my 7th round of fertility treatment with my shitty eggs and not a slight glimmer of pregnancy. She was glowing way too brightly for my sad, dark eyes. I just couldn’t bear to be around her, and quite frankly, she couldn’t bear to be around me.

I lost any bit of self-confidence I had about myself previously. Who could possibly love me if I couldn’t love myself? I was bitter and broken, and not even my husband could convince me otherwise. I lost romance in my marriage. I lost my femininity, my womanhood, my sexiness. I had actual real thoughts that my husband would be better off without me. He was fertile, after-all.

I lost time with family and friends during holidays and special events because it was just too hard for me to be around pregnant bellies or little ones. Every holiday was another reminder that I was yet another year still childless, five years turned into six, six turned into seven, and then eight. I felt like I was forgotten and left behind to die and everybody else was moving forward in their fruitful, happy lives.

I knew I couldn’t keep going like this, but I also felt like I couldn’t go on without a baby.

The only person besides my husband who really knew what I was going through was my doctor. I remember sitting in her office crying asking her to help me. I didn’t have anyone else to turn to who even understood how donor eggs even worked, and I didn’t have the energy to explain it. Hell, I wasn't even sure I truly understood. I just needed someone to hold my hand and guide me to a better place - ultimately one with a baby.

She started sharing stories with me about other patients who had conceived this way and the love and joy they shared with their babies. She shared her research with me on epigenetics and the fetal imprinting I would get to have a part in, as well as the biological bond we would have, totally separate from DNA.

The more she shared the good stuff about donor eggs, the better I felt. I could feel my broken heart slowly being picked up off the floor and pieced back together. I was feeling a gravitational pull to a different perspective I never saw possible, a more positive one.

I started taking note of the things I would get to have by pursuing donor eggs, if it all worked out, instead of the things I wouldn’t get to have. This was an ongoing list that became my saving grace to healing, and now one that I’ve seen to fruition that I get to share with you!

Things I now get to have, thanks to Donor Eggs…

A Baby! (Actually two!)

My end goal was always a baby, or babies, so focusing on that was really helpful. And not just any baby, my baby. A baby that I would get to grow from a tiny little speck of dust to a living breathing bundle of joy that in their first seconds of life would know my voice, scent and touch better than anyone in the world.

2. Pregnancy

And all it’s glory! Bring on the cravings, baby kicks, nausea, food aversions, swollen ankles and special pregnant-lady treatment like skipping the bathroom line and special parking spots.

3. Epigenetic Influence

My womb could now become the portal for giving my child life and I would play a large part in who my child would become. Genetics are not the exclusive generators of biology, epigenetics play just as an important part. We can’t grow babies in petri dishes can we? No! The environment is extremely important to making a healthy, unique human being. Just like you can’t grow a plant from a seed without soil, sunlight, water and TLC.

4. Baby fingerprints!

Fingerprints are formed in the womb by pressing against things in their environment. Genetics are only partially a factor, but there is a reason why identical twins don’t have the same fingerprints. The womb is what helps set their unique pattern. How cool is that? My womb helped create something so unique to my children.

5. A Cellular Connection

If you aren’t familiar with maternal micro-chimerism, I highly recommend you check it out. Scientists recently learned that fetal cells have been found to stay in a mother's body beyond the time of pregnancy, and in some cases for as long as decades after the birth of the baby. My cells also stay in my babies’ blood and tissues for decades, including some organs. This gives an entirely new meaning to the term “carrying a child”. I am honored to say I get to carry pieces of my children for decades. Our cellular attachment never ends, even when my children are outside of my body, their cells will remain in my body potentially forever. I feel my daughter’s emotions as if they are my own, I wake up in the middle of the night right before my baby boy wakes up. It’s such a privilege to be so deeply connected to them.

6. Giving Birth

Thanks to donor eggs, I now know what it feels like to give birth and be there for my babies' very first breaths of air, their first cry, first latch to my breast, and even cut the umbilical cord that connected us for nine months!

7. Baby Bonding

I was there for skin to skin bonding the moment they were born, for all the newborn chest naps, and the sleepless nights rocking my newborn babies with bags under my eyes, leaky boobs and covered in spit up. It was glorious! Another special connection to my children was the opportunity to breastfeed them, even though one didn’t go so great, I still had the chance to try.

8. The title “Mama”

I get to hear the word mama every single day, sometimes all night long and sometimes 300 times a day! It’s a word I will NEVER get tired of hearing.

9. Special Moments & Events

Now I get to experience birthday parties, holidays, and family vacations through the lens of my children! I get to be front row to all the firsts for my babies, like first words, first foods, and hugs and kisses on the first and last day of school. I get to make lunches, go on ice cream dates, paint tiny fingernails, and build pillow forts.

10. A Story to Tell

Every family has a story, and this is ours.

I get to share our unique family story with my children, one that I’m proud to tell. It’s a love story of two people who fought hard to be parents and started loving their babies before they were even here. It’s uniquely extraordinary, not boring or ordinary, and our children know the importance of celebrating differences from a very young age. Tiny advocates for equality, something this world needs more of.

11. An unbreakable bond

I get to have an even stronger bond with my children than ever imagined based on trust and transparency and raise them to be proud of who they are and how they got here. We talk openly about their conception and constantly remind them that I am their safe place, should they have any questions or feelings about it. We are building a strong foundation for a long-term positive mother-child relationship.

The list goes on and on and on. The things I get to have far outweigh the things I don’t.

I am so grateful for organizations like Donor Egg Bank USA for providing a platform for people like me to experience all these things. Without access to quality donor eggs, I wouldn’t have gotten the absolute best thing on my list…

12 Things I Get to Have, Thanks to Donor Eggs