I can’t believe I’m even typing the words “my children’s book”. I’ve had this idea in my head for years, and the idea all started with my daughter, Florence.
I first started telling her about her conception when I was pregnant. I felt pretty confident in how I would explain it to her when she arrived - it went something like this…“mommy and daddy wanted a baby so badly but mommy’s eggs didn’t work, so another woman gave us some of her eggs, they were mixed with daddy’s sperm, put in my tummy, where you grew and grew!”
And then the moment she was placed in my arms that script went right out the damn window.
I couldn’t get the words out, I couldn’t get any words out, only tears - lots of them. I’m sure the postpartum hormones had something to do with it, but still, it was way harder than I ever could have imagined.
I had no idea how debilitating it would feel to look her in her big brown eyes and tell her that she came from someone else’s egg, and that we were different in terms of DNA. I tried to speak and all of the worst thoughts crossed my mind…
What if she doesn’t see me as her real mother?
What if she wants the egg donor instead of me?
What if she doesn’t love me?
I vividly remember rocking her one of our first nights together, sobbing all over her precious little head, begging and pleading with her outloud saying “please don’t hate me, I promise to love you more than anyone ever will, I just want you to love me, I will do anything for you to love me”
Not quite the buttoned up story I had rehearsed for nine whole months.
Once the newborn haze lifted, I would still cry when I’d tell her, but not because I was scared she wouldn’t love me or because I was sad, because I was so overwhelmed with happiness that she was finally here, it brought me to tears. If I’m being honest, it still does. I never knew love like this existed - I can’t even talk about her to other people without crying.
Little by little, the words started to line up into a story that felt good for me, and as she grew, she would repeat the story back to me. At around the age of two or so, she was completing my sentences and sometimes even taking over the entire story.
I had to start getting creative with my stories because I could tell she was bored hearing about the egg/sperm/doctor situation. She was obsessed with dinosaurs at the time and so I decided one night to tell her about a T-rex who wanted a baby so badly but she just couldn’t lay any eggs, and luckily a Brontosaurus had extra eggs to spare and gave one very special egg to the T-Rex. The T-rex was immediately in love with this special egg and took extra good care of it, keeping it warm and safe at all costs. She sang to it, danced with it, told it stories, hugged and kissed it.
And then one day the egg rattles and cracks and a brontosaurus baby jumps out of the egg straight into the T-Rex’s arms and yells “MAMA”! The baby gives her a big lick on the face (Florence’s addition to the story) and at the end I explain that the T-Rex mama loves her brontosaurus baby sooo much, despite the fact that she came from some else’s egg, and even though they look different. She didn’t lay the egg - she hatched it with all her love.
We told this story time and time again, she continued to add her own special additions to the story, and I had mine, but one thing remained - she never, ever questioned who the mama was in the story. It was a story of a mother who would do anything for her one special egg, a story she knows well.
And then one night we finished our story and she looked up at me and said “families don’t have to match, that’s so silly!”
I didn’t have to explain to her how similar the story was to ours, she put it together herself.
“Our Hearts Match” is a story of a T-Rex Mama and her beloved little brontosaurus, who talk very openly about their physical differences and confidently celebrate what makes them each unique, while also leaning in on what makes them “match” on the inside.
I believe this book can not only help children learn about what connects us as family, but also help parents process the hard feelings around genetic grief and shift their perspectives to a more beautiful lens. This mother/child duo is proof that we don’t have to match each other to have dino-mite love and connection.
Dedicated to the one and only, Flo Baby!
Helping with Important Conversations
Research shows that you should talk to your donor-conceived child about their origins as early as possible, yet, it’s the hardest thing for most parents to do. This book can help you communicate difficult, yet beautiful, love stories with pride.
A special thanks to my amazing illustrator Gal Weizman who brought my vision to life beyond my expectations, to my incredible publisher, Christa at EmpowerMint Press for believing in my story and supporting me along the way and to Donor Egg Bank USA for placing confidence in my story by sponsoring this book.
