Starting a family is supposed to be filled with joy and excitement — at least that’s what society tells us. Right? We never expect to include a third person into our family building narrative, or that we will experience a deep level of grief while trying to conceive. You will likely find yourself doing countless hours of research and reading on the topic, attending therapy sessions and support groups and making friends with complete strangers on social media who also walked this path, who ultimately become your safe people. You may experience shock, grief, and even trauma as you navigate the path to parenthood via donor conception.
“Our Hearts Match” is a story of a T-Rex Mama and her beloved little brontosaurus, who talk very openly about their physical differences and confidently celebrate what makes them each unique, while also leaning in on what makes them “match” on the inside - their hearts.
I believe this book can not only help children learn about what connects us as family, but also help parents process the hard feelings around genetic grief and shift their perspectives to a more beautiful lens. This mother/child duo is proof that we don’t have to match each other to have dino-mite love and connection.
The journey of conceiving a child via egg donation is a deeply personal process. We all enter this process with unique pieces of ourselves. Whether it be our family belief systems, personality types, religious backgrounds or cultural beliefs, no two people enter this process the same.
Whether this is your first time considering egg donation or you’ve always known you would need an egg donor to build your family, choosing an egg donor is not an easy process. I’ve personally been through the egg donation selection process multiple times now, with multiple different agencies and egg banks. It can be exciting and equally overwhelming. I’m sharing some of the lessons I learned in hopes to make this process a bit easier for you. It can be exciting and equally overwhelming. I’m sharing some of the lessons I learned in hopes to make this process a bit easier for you.
This is such an overwhelming decision to have to make and there are so many different schools of thought on whether it’s better to use fresh or frozen donor eggs. It’s easy to feel confused on which direction to take. This is truly a personal decision and heavily based on your situation and the plans you have for your future family. I’m not a doctor or expert by any means, but I have definitely been faced with this decision multiple times in my life and feel the need to share my personal reflection.
I can't decide which was harder. Making the decision to use donor eggs. Or selecting the actual egg donor herself. We were still struggling to find the perfect match. So we decided to consult with our doctor for advice. To put it simply, she told us that when we find "the one" we would feel some sort of a connection. She even went so far to say, "think about how you felt on your wedding day, this is just as important". But how the hell are we supposed to do that without meeting the person?
I'm letting go of my broken eggs. I'm done. It's not going to be easy. Lord I know that. Life isn't supposed to be easy though, right? I've been blessed in my life in so many ways. I know that. Life has been good to me. There are worse things that could happen to me, I always keep that in perspective. We all have our things in life that kick us in the gut. This is my "thing". And I can handle it.
