Donor Egg, Problems You'll Face, You Need To Know
Victoria Nino
How to Talk to Friends and Family About Using ...

Starting a family is supposed to be filled with joy and excitement — at least that’s what society tells us. Right? We never expect to include a third person into our family building narrative, or that we will experience a deep level of grief while trying to conceive. You will likely find yourself doing countless hours of research and reading on the topic, attending therapy sessions and support groups and making friends with complete strangers on social media who also walked this path, who ultimately become your safe people. You may experience shock, grief, and even trauma as you navigate the path to parenthood via donor conception.

How to Talk to Friends and Family About Using an Egg Donor to Start a Family
Donor Egg, Good Things
Victoria Nino
The Inspiration Behind My Donor Conception ...

“Our Hearts Match” is a story of a T-Rex Mama and her beloved little brontosaurus, who talk very openly about their physical differences and confidently celebrate what makes them each unique, while also leaning in on what makes them “match” on the inside - their hearts.

I believe this book can not only help children learn about what connects us as family, but also help parents process the hard feelings around genetic grief and shift their perspectives to a more beautiful lens. This mother/child duo is proof that we don’t have to match each other to have dino-mite love and connection.

The Inspiration Behind My Donor Conception Children's Book
Donor Egg
Victoria Nino
Privacy vs. Secrecy: Navigating Egg Donation ...

The journey of conceiving a child via egg donation is a deeply personal process. We all enter this process with unique pieces of ourselves. Whether it be our family belief systems, personality types, religious backgrounds or cultural beliefs, no two people enter this process the same.

Privacy vs. Secrecy: Navigating Egg Donation and Who Needs to Know
Donor Egg
Victoria Nino
How To Choose An Egg Donor

Whether this is your first time considering egg donation or you’ve always known you would need an egg donor to build your family, choosing an egg donor is not an easy process. I’ve personally been through the egg donation selection process multiple times now, with multiple different agencies and egg banks. It can be exciting and equally overwhelming. I’m sharing some of the lessons I learned in hopes to make this process a bit easier for you. It can be exciting and equally overwhelming. I’m sharing some of the lessons I learned in hopes to make this process a bit easier for you.

How To Choose An Egg Donor
Donor Egg
Victoria Nino
Donor Eggs: Fresh or Frozen?

This is such an overwhelming decision to have to make and there are so many different schools of thought on whether it’s better to use fresh or frozen donor eggs. It’s easy to feel confused on which direction to take. This is truly a personal decision and heavily based on your situation and the plans you have for your future family. I’m not a doctor or expert by any means, but I have definitely been faced with this decision multiple times in my life and feel the need to share my personal reflection.

Donor Eggs: Fresh or Frozen?
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Donor Egg Recipient: What's My Role?

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Donor Egg Recipient: What's My Role?

We learned that there aren't any clear cut laws around using egg donors. So, even though we have a signed legal agreement, the law doesn't clearly define me as the mother. Sigh. And, the law could change at any time and trump our signed agreement. Double Sigh. Luckily, there are proven court cases to reference, and in most instances the "intended" mother won in all of those cases.  Our attorney told us that since it is my "intent" to mother the child (not Meggan's) I would "likely" be considered the legal mother if she ever tried to take me to court to sue for parental rights. Isn't that f*cking awesome? But, at least, Jonathan is still the baby daddy, regardless. So, we have that. 

Mothers Come in Many Forms.

Mothers Come in Many Forms.

A mother is someone who gives hugs when we need them. It's someone who is patient and understanding even when we are wrong.  It's someone who does the best that they can to help us through hardships. It's someone who stands by us and helps ease our pain. It's someone who believes in us, and loves us unconditionally. It's someone who leads by example and encourages us.

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Egg Donation: A Donor's Perspective

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Egg Donation: A Donor's Perspective

I got the pleasure of meeting an egg donor. I was in complete admiration of her. Although, she didn't consider her act of donating eggs admirable at all. But, I couldn't disagree more.  

There are many things in life you get paid to do that take guts, courage and heart. Think about the people that do jobs you consider "admirable". They are getting paid, but they are still doing a job that not many people would do, right?  They are putting their lives at danger, but sure, they still receive a paycheck.(Note - egg donors certainly aren't rolling in the dough. In most cases, the agency actually collects more money than the donor does.) 

Lesbians Can Be Infertile Too.

Lesbians Can Be Infertile Too.

Gay people will ALWAYS need additional resources (a third person) to have a baby.  This is just something they expect to encounter.  It's part of their life. 

Just because this is a part of their life, it doesn't make it easy. I don't think people really recognize this.  I admit, I hadn't.They need support just like I do.  They need love and compassion just like I do.  They need a shoulder to cry on, just like I do.

Coping with Pregnancy Announcements

Coping with Pregnancy Announcements

In my talks with other women experiencing infertility, I've found that it's never easy when a loved one gets pregnant.  We all experience it.  It doesn't matter who the person is.  A family member, a friend, or a co-worker. It's ALWAYS hard.The feelings can be really dark and ugly. Don't feel bad about those feelings. We all get them. I promise!

But here's the deal...

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Donor Eggs And The Painful Process Of Choosing A Donor

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Donor Eggs And The Painful Process Of Choosing A Donor

I can't decide which was harder. Making the decision to use donor eggs.  Or selecting the actual egg donor herself. We were still struggling to find the perfect match.  So we decided to consult with our doctor for advice. To put it simply, she told us that when we find "the one" we would feel some sort of a connection.  She even went so far to say, "think about how you felt on your wedding day, this is just as important".  But how the hell are we supposed to do that without meeting the person?

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Deciding to Use Donor Eggs.

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Deciding to Use Donor Eggs.

I'm letting go of my broken eggs. I'm done. It's not going to be easy.  Lord I know that.  Life isn't supposed to be easy though, right?  I've been blessed in my life in so many ways. I know that.  Life has been good to me.  There are worse things that could happen to me, I always keep that in perspective.  We all have our things in life that kick us in the gut.  This is my "thing".  And I can handle it.

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What Infertility Grief Feels Like.

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What Infertility Grief Feels Like.

I know what grieving feels like.  That feeling of deep, deep sadness.  Constant crying until you run out of tears.  Anger. Emptiness. Guilt. Worry. Helplessness. Hopelessness.  That pain in your gut you just can’t explain. I honestly just thought I was really f*cking sad.  The kind of sadness you feel in your bones.  The kind of sadness that brings unpredictable tears that you never see coming.  The kind of sadness that makes it hard for you to be happy for people you love.  The kind of sadness that is so deep it feels like it's a part of you. A physiological sadness, if you will.

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Valuable Lessons I Learned About Infertility, I Wish I Knew Early On.

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Valuable Lessons I Learned About Infertility, I Wish I Knew Early On.

There are many lessons I have learned on my journey through infertility, and many of them I had to learn the hard way. I had no idea how hard this would really be, and when you are feeling alone in the process you tend to question your feelings. Am I the only want who feels this way? Am I a bad person for my feelings?

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I USED TO BE AN ASSHOLE.

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I USED TO BE AN ASSHOLE.

Infertility, you have changed me. I used to be that girl who would plaster Social Media with anything good that would happen.  Like, when I first got engaged, or the five different albums of our wedding, and you all remember the photos of the flowers my husband gave me every month. I didn't think about the people out there that were dying to find love and might be sad by seeing things like that.  Some of those people were my dear friends.  Well, I'm so incredibly sorry.  I was an Asshole.

find me on Instagram @expectinganything

“I need this for my sister” she says to me as we were playing outside, referring to a special rock she found. . “Sister?” I asked, just to clarify. She looked me straight in the eyes and said it louder this time... “yes
I’ve spent most of my life saying “I’ll be happy when...”. When I finally get pregnant. When I lose the extra 15 pounds of hormone weight. When our business starts doing well again. When we are able to take fun vacations again
There is so much more to pass on to our children than genetics. . I am a strong woman because a strong woman raised me. Strong women aren’t just born that way, they are taught by watching the strong women in their lives work hard and stand up
I wasn’t just an oven baking someone else’s cookies. I was her home. . A therapist once told me to use the analogy of baking cookies in an oven when explaining to Flo how she came to be. This just never felt right for me. I was more than

all content copyright - Victoria Nino 2017