Starting a family is supposed to be filled with joy and excitement — at least that’s what society tells us. Right? We never expect to include a third person into our family building narrative, or that we will experience a deep level of grief while trying to conceive. You will likely find yourself doing countless hours of research and reading on the topic, attending therapy sessions and support groups and making friends with complete strangers on social media who also walked this path, who ultimately become your safe people. You may experience shock, grief, and even trauma as you navigate the path to parenthood via donor conception.
“Our Hearts Match” is a story of a T-Rex Mama and her beloved little brontosaurus, who talk very openly about their physical differences and confidently celebrate what makes them each unique, while also leaning in on what makes them “match” on the inside - their hearts.
I believe this book can not only help children learn about what connects us as family, but also help parents process the hard feelings around genetic grief and shift their perspectives to a more beautiful lens. This mother/child duo is proof that we don’t have to match each other to have dino-mite love and connection.
The journey of conceiving a child via egg donation is a deeply personal process. We all enter this process with unique pieces of ourselves. Whether it be our family belief systems, personality types, religious backgrounds or cultural beliefs, no two people enter this process the same.
Whether this is your first time considering egg donation or you’ve always known you would need an egg donor to build your family, choosing an egg donor is not an easy process. I’ve personally been through the egg donation selection process multiple times now, with multiple different agencies and egg banks. It can be exciting and equally overwhelming. I’m sharing some of the lessons I learned in hopes to make this process a bit easier for you. It can be exciting and equally overwhelming. I’m sharing some of the lessons I learned in hopes to make this process a bit easier for you.
This is such an overwhelming decision to have to make and there are so many different schools of thought on whether it’s better to use fresh or frozen donor eggs. It’s easy to feel confused on which direction to take. This is truly a personal decision and heavily based on your situation and the plans you have for your future family. I’m not a doctor or expert by any means, but I have definitely been faced with this decision multiple times in my life and feel the need to share my personal reflection.
My journey to become a mother is never lost on me. There hasn’t been a day since becoming a mom that I don’t think about what it took to get here. I suppose that’s a silver lining - to feel perpetually humble and grateful for the excruciating pain and test of time I had to experience to achieve my title as mother.
Infertility is trauma. And although, infertility was not life threatening, it often felt like I was dying. 8 years of watching friends and family have baby, after baby. Sometimes with some effort, sometimes by accident. Feeling left behind, alone, unwanted, undeserving. Constant fear, anxiety, panic.
Secondary infertility is a huge slap in the face. It’s like learning to ride a bike so well and then all of a sudden your body is thrown off the bike uncontrollably. It’s the feeling of failure when your child asks “mama, why can’t I have a sister?”. It’s knowing the love you have for your own sibling and wanting that love for the person you love the most.
I decided to write a book about donor eggs! Fifty four pages of my heart and soul, dedicated to the one who inspired me to write it - my magical little girl, Florence, on her 2nd Birthday. It’s titled “Why I’m Glad my Eggs Didn’t Work” because that’s the best way to sum up my feelings about this journey. I’m grateful, I’m glad, I’m elated that my eggs didn’t work.
Did you know that baby monitor rage is a thing? Well, it is in my house. It’s like road rage, except you aren’t alone in your car yelling at random strangers who can’t hear you. You are in your bedroom, in the dark, laying next to your spouse, and two dogs, yelling at a tiny electronic. And, you know how people say that putting together IKEA furniture is the number one cause of a fight in a relationship. I think they are wrong. I think it’s baby monitor rage. Yes, definitely.
There are so many misconceptions out there around feeding your baby formula, and as a new mom it’s a really emotional topic to try to understand. Especially when you are in the think of it with a new infant at home. The hormones, the loneliness, the “oh-shit, someone really trusted me to keep this tiny human alive”, etc. I suffered from major PPA (postpartum anxiety) my first 3-4 months of motherhood, and looking back, I am pretty certain that the main cause stemmed mostly from my shortcomings with breast feeding. I was so hard on myself for not being able to “stick with it” and felt shameful for turning to formula.
I've been obsessing over what is necessary for labor and birthing. Trying to decide WTF I need for recovery and what to pack in my hospital bag! There is so much info out there and it is VERY overwhelming. I mean for the love of God, you are only there two-three days! Ay caramba! I've been doing some online research, talking to other experienced mommas and just recently took a class at Hoag Hospital, that I found to be very informative. I'm compiling all this info into one place to help you prepare! I'm a "planner" so yes, my list might be a bit "extra" for some people, but it helps me feel sane!
For so long, I have tried to visualize what our nursery would look like. I had the hardest time picturing anything at all. I love interior design, I take a lot of pride in the design of our home, my husband and I both do, but for some reason creating a vision for this room was just one big mental block.
Finding out we were finally pregnant was by far, to date, the best day of my life. The day our embryo was transferred to me via IVF, I knew I needed to believe I was pregnant, and that's exactly what I did. I made it my mission to protect that little pea in my pod with everything I had. I was put on bed rest for 3 days and then house arrest for an additional 2 days.
This is it y'all. The BEST, most scary, most exciting day of my life. The day our sweet baby Flo entered this world. Yes, I setup a GoPro camera in the corner to capture her arrival. And yes, I've watched it at least a dozen times already. Don't worry, you won't see my coot coot or any weird shit. I'm keeping it classy, for once. But before you watch the video, and think, wow, that looks so easy, she literally pushed for under a minute... Let me tell you somethin' (in my best Ace Ventura voice). There were A LOT of challenges leading up to this moment.
